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Question of the Week

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A GIRL WHO WANTS TO LEARN TO MASTURBATE GUYS BETTER?

[Notes: This week's Question yielded many responses that were redundant, so allow me to list the five most popular responses, paraphrasing what people said (and throwing in a little personal opinion as well):

1. Use lubrication. While lubrication isn't necessarily required when a guy masturbates himself (especially if he's uncircumcised), this requires a very subtle, precise touch that's difficult, if not impossible, for a female to achieve. Using some lubrication takes the guesswork out of the equation, providing a much wider margin for error on her part.
2. Grip tightly. While some guys said girls tend to be too rough with their penises, most indicated they're too gentle. "Don't worry, you won't break it!" was a common sentiment in these responses. My feeling is that as long as plenty of lubrication is used, it's probably near impossible to grip a penis too hard. However, you should always be gentle with a guy's testicles. As one 15-year-old said, "being too rough down there can end it reeeeaally fast."
3. Ask him how he likes it. Communication at times like this is sometimes difficult and awkward, but it's very, very helpful. Unless the guy tells her what makes him feel good, she has to guess — not a good idea.
4. Watch him masturbate. A few guys said this is terribly embarrassing, but it's a great way for the girl to get an idea of what he likes. As they say, monkey see, monkey do.
5. Don't stop when he starts to ejaculate. Absolutely! For most guys, this goes without saying — but many girls aren't comfortable with the idea of getting semen on their hands, and when their boyfriend starts to ejaculate, they let go. Very bad idea! If you want to see a guy blow up with frustration, this is a sure-fire way to do it. Girls, most guys want the orgasm to be the peak of stimulation. This is no time to stop! Keep going, grip as tightly as ever, and don't stop until he starts to feel uncomfortable and perhaps grabs your hand. If he does this, you know you've finished the job right!]

Concentrate on the head of the penis, not the base. If the guy raises his butt and sort of moves up and down with your strokes, he's enjoying himself, so speed up the pace! That's what I would tell my girlfriend if I had the nerve. I'm just so glad she agrees to masturbate me when I'm so hot and excited I want to explode, and I don't want to criticize her for fear she'll stop!
- age 16, Ohio

Have the girl hold the guy's penis, and have the guy wrap his hand around her hand; then he can start the motion. That way, she can learn the rhythm and the tightness of the grip the guy likes.
- age 31, Hawaii

Lube it well, and vary your grip (loose vs. hard) all the time — variation is very important. Sometimes you might just want to let go of the penis and fondle the testicles or do both at the same time. (My girlfriend is good at this one.) Also, don't just concentrate on the penis — also rub his chest, buttocks, etc. I really like it when she works her way down, taking her time to get to my penis — that increases the pleasure. It's also good not to rush; take your time (it might take as long as an hour) before letting him ejaculate. Remember that it takes a women a while before she can master the male's member — but once she does, it is well worth the wait.
- age 17, Australia

Practice on a live guy, and get him to say what feels good. My wife does this thing where she rubs my penis very, very lightly. It's a huge turn-on; it gets me super horny, but she's never done it long enough to make me ejaculate. I think she is afraid she will hurt me if she does it too hard. Wrong answer! I never thought young girls would be masturbating boys — but I guess this is the '90s, and at least you can't catch anything or get anybody pregnant doing it.
- age 44, Arkansas

My girlfriend has given up on trying to masturbate me, because she just can't. She acts like my penis is going to break or something. Ladies, if you want to masturbate a guy right, be rough with it. Don't be gentle. Penises are a lot tougher than most women realize. Just wrap your hand around it, squeeze hard, and stroke it up and down. It may not be romantic, but masturbation generally isn't romantic. It is, however, something I wish my girlfriend would learn to do. There is nothing better than having someone else give you pleasure, if she can give it to you as well as you can give it to yourself.
- age 19, Vermont

Remember that for most guys, their sexual feeling tends to focus on and be centered in the penis — whereas for you, the sexual feeling probably tends to spread throughout your body. So when you are masturbating a guy, you might need to consciously focus on his penis. Pay attention to it as if it contains all of him — because when he ejaculates, it really does!
- age 56, New Jersey

To manually manipulate a guy to orgasm ... well, there's a hand-to-mind-to-pressure-point rapport a guy has with his penis, and it can truly only be satisfactorily administered by a guy. It's that simple. When it comes to the lovely and fine art of masturbation, nobody does it better than yourself. If, however, you'd like the pleasure of someone else bringing you to orgasm with their hands, make it another guy. Since guys all have penises, we know how to curl the fingers around it, how to diversify the stroke, how to vary the length and area covered with each stroke, how to (and how NOT to) stimulate the scrotum, how sensitive the glans [penis head] can become with too-rigorous stimulation, when to back off, and when to come on strong. Ladies are great fun sexually — but masturbation? Watch each other and do it together. Let her love watching you get yourself off, and return the favor. And try sharing the masturbation experience with another guy. It's NOT a gay thing — it's a GUY thing. Bond away, folks.
- age 47, Pennsylvania

Don't be obsessed with doing it right — just be concerned about making him happy.
- age 14, Colorado

Take your time and let it last. Girls are too rough with our "equipment." At times, I'd rather just masturbate by myself than have my girlfriend do it. After all, it usually feels better when I do it!
- age 18, New York

Watch and learn. Guys go through three stages to orgasm: a rise to a plateau (during which he has to concentrate, eyes closed, and can stop pretty easily), the pleasure plateau (during which a regular rhythm is important, and stopping is difficult), and the rush to orgasm (when pumping is frantic, and stopping is impossible). The clue that a guy is moving from the first stage to the second is that he sighs (or exhales a deep breath); at this point, conversation is neither coherent nor a good idea. The most important thing is not to stop rubbing when a guy starts to ejaculate, but when he says, "Thanks."
- age 50, New York

Admire his genitals. Right before I was about to ejaculate, an older girl once started telling me how big my penis was. That was the best!
- age 15, California

Very few girls will ever have the interest or attention span to learn to do it right. I've had sex with a lot of girls, and none of them seemed to be able to master it. For one thing, most of them treat it like it's a chore, and you are going to be able to pick up on that feeling. I've never felt I could just relax and enjoy it; I always felt I had to hurry up and get done. If you can't find a good guy buddy whom you can trust, just do it yourself. Only another guy knows how it feels, and if he's a good friend, he will take the time to do it right.
- age 30, Georgia

Learn to move your hands SLOWLY and establish a gentle, consistent rhythm. YOU should take charge of the experience by establishing the rhythm and not speeding up, even though he's begging you to. It enhances the orgasm tremendously to have it build slowly — but a guy usually can't control himself to slow it down when he's masturbating; the desire to get off quickly is just too great. But he'll love you for it — AFTER he curses you during the experience for not getting him off quicker!
- age 50, Nebraska

Notice the guy's reactions when you're doing certain things. Don't do it too hard, but keep the shaft wet and slippery, and use both hands.
- age 15, Canada

I know that I would love for my girlfriend to learn how to masturbate me better. There's an extremely large portion of women who don't know how to get a guy off, and I would surely support any woman who was willing to learn. First off, I would tell her to visit JackinWorld. I believe that just by visiting the Web site, most of the problems she's had in the past will disappear.
- age 16, California

Don't throttle it at 1,000 mph. Remember: We males are human, sometimes it doesn't seem like we have feelings, and we try to hide our pain — but some woman really hurt our little friends.
- age 17, South Africa

Learn what hurts! They're always banging our testicles or digging their fingernails in. They don't realize they can hurt you easily there, and they think it's a joke when they knee you. I lost two girlfriends that way.
- age 17, Massachusetts

I have a few don'ts:
DON'T keep changing hands.
DON'T keep changing speeds.
DON'T stop when "it" starts to "you know."
And, DON'T have "it" pointed towards you, unless you want to get drenched.
- age 32, California

I would tell the girl to lighten up — that it's not the hardest thing to do. I would tell her to relax and just go with her instinct.
- age 16, Georgia

Don't bother. Even though I'm straight, a hand job feels better from a guy than from a girl.
- age 17, Pennsylvania

Be steady in your strokes. I've had girls masturbate me for hours and not get me to orgasm, simply because they couldn't keep a steady rhythm. One thing that tends to work really well is if the guy sits down and has her sit behind him — that way she can get the motion better. Also, for the guys, you have to be able to talk to her when you're doing it (that is, if you want to have an orgasm). so she'll know what things she's doing you like, and what you don't like.
- age 17, Washington

Just let it feel right. If either you or he are uncomfortable, something will seem wrong. Make sure you have plenty of privacy, sit or lie down, and relax. Kiss your man and let him relax and feel at home in your arms. After a while, when things get serious, put lotion or oil on his penis and slowly caress it and massage the shaft and head. Then, after you are both ready, pump it with your fist. Use a loose grip, and slowly move faster. If he suggests something, do what he says. If he says it feels good (or if you can see that he is enjoying it), continue to stroke his penis as you are. I'm sure you'll both be pleased — and with time, you can go on to strange and exciting things.
- age 17, Indiana

I'd tell her she needs to learn what makes us guys go crazy for about 10 seconds. I would tell her to stroke evenly and to squeeze it hard. She needs to know that a guy can ejaculate only once every half hour or so, so she has to make it great.
- age 16, New York

They need to put themselves in the guy's shoes — or pants, as the case may be. If she thinks like the guy, she'll know whether to go slower, faster, harder, or softer.
- age 16, New Jersey

All the girls who have masturbated me expect me to orgasm too quickly. It usually takes me 2 to 3 minutes, and after a minute they're like, "When's it going to happen — today anytime?" Also, they need to use their other hand to do something besides wipe the sweat from their brow. Basically, masturbation takes a while. Its not like making instant potatoes.
- age 15, Louisiana

Truly fondle his penis and mix it up. Get into it — your objective is to help the man reach orgasm. Don't hesitate to try new things. Talk to the guy, and ask, "How does this feel?" Use a little "pre-cum" as lubricant on the underside. And don't forget to use your free hand to massage the guy's scrotum. What I don't like is just senseless jackin' up and down until I get red and sore. I like the woman to be into it.
- age 32, Washington

Use both hands, and kiss him all over!
- age 14, Colorado

Practice, practice, practice. I've been masturbating for about 10 years and can honestly say that when I first began, I didn't know what I was doing --only that it felt good. It took me about 2 years to figure out what was the best way for me to masturbate. Now I can masturbate in either 2 minutes or 2 hours. The best thing a girl can do is find out what the guy likes (how fast to stroke, how hard the grip, etc.); then she can try it out and make sure to get feedback from him while she's doing it. Most guys have had lots and lots of time to practice and find out what feels best for them.
- age 22, Canada

 
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