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GENERAL QUESTIONS

If you masturbated like 3 times a day for a week, would you have any sperm left — enough to get someone pregnant?

Yes, you definitely would. Your body is producing new sperm cells all the time — even seconds after you've ejaculated. It takes only a tiny drop, containing millions of sperm cells, to impregnate someone.

I'm a 19-year-old college boy, and I masturbate 3-6 times a day for about 30 minutes apiece. Is this unhealthy?

I wouldn't say it's unhealthy, but you are certainly devoting a lot of time to masturbating — up to 3 hours per day. As long as masturbating isn't keeping you from doing more productive things, like studying, I'd say it's okay. But if your grades are suffering, consider cutting back. It's not that frequent masturbation is unhealthy, just that your masturbation habits shouldn't intrude on other areas of your life.

I always feel great and sexual before and during masturbation, but a few seconds to about two minutes after ejaculation, I feel completely unsexual. It's mostly not guilt; I just feel like I don't really want to have anything to do with sex at that moment. I'm not worried whether that's normal. I just wanted to know if there's a way to control that problem, because it's stressful when I'm doing sexual things with other people.

It's 100% normal, if not universal, and there's nothing that you can do about it — except, perhaps, to make sure that your partner reaches orgasm before you do, so that you don't feel the need to do sexual things once you've had your ejaculation. If you can please your partner first, you'll be way ahead of the game, because so many uninformed (and inconsiderate) men during intercourse just go for their orgasm, and once it's over, they roll over and go to sleep.

I've found a couple of Web sites saying "overmasturbation" is possible, and I do believe in it. I was "overmasturbating" for 4 years, and now I suffer from severe depression, and I also don't sleep very well. I just wanted to let you guys know that, because others shouldn't suffer.

According to the supposed definition of "overmasturbation" — doing it more than once or twice per week — probably 95% of teen and young adult males "overmasturbate." Yet the vast majority of these males do not experience the "symptoms" of "overmasturbation." Therefore your argument (and theirs) is invalid. In your specific case, if you've convinced yourself that a normal masturbation frequency causes depression and poor sleep patterns (and you certainly sound like you have), then doing it will have these effects — it's as simple as that. I don't know why people have to blame masturbation for everything they don't like about their lives, or their bodies. This is far more harmful to most people than "overmasturbation" ever could be. Unfortunately, the creators of the "overmasturbation" concept don't want you to know that, because then you might not buy the phony herbal pills they sell supposedly to "cure" the effects of the practice.

I have a 6-year-old son who has discovered his penis. I stopped him from masturbating a couple times in the last week, but it doesn't seem to work. I don't know what to say to him except to wait until he is older. Is this normal, and is there something I can say to him to make him stop doing this until he is older?

Hate to break it to you, Pops, but you're instilling in your son all sorts of negative ideas about masturbation and sexuality in general — ideas he will likely have to overcome when he gets older. All boys are fascinated by their genitals and the pleasurable sensations they can get from them, and no harm will come from a boy masturbating, even as a baby. When a parent tells a child not to touch himself there, the child gets the idea that doing so is somehow wrong. If your boy rubs himself in public, or even around the house, the best approach is to take him aside and say you understand that what he's doing feels wonderful — but that giving yourself pleasure is something that should be done privately, and that some people would rather not see a person doing that activity. Be careful not to be judgmental in your tone. It will do wonders for your son's future attitude toward sexuality if you tell him that self-pleasuring is a beautiful gift but that there is a time and a place to do it.

I am 16 years old and masturbate every night — sometimes 3 times a night. I have been masturbating for years now and cannot stop. I try stopping once in a while, but it is not possible. The most days I can go without masturbating is like two days. Why am I so addicted to masturbating? Is this normal? Am I going to be addicted to masturbating for my whole life? How can I get out of this habit?

Here's the short answer: You can't. Here's the long answer: You cannot. Seriously, unless you're willing to join a monastery and live a life of absolute purity, there's little point in fighting the urge. Virtually all men have the urge to procreate (or to simply ejaculate regularly) — it's built into our bodies after millions and millions of years of evolution. The urge will wane gradually as you get older — but like it or not, even when you're an old man you'll probably have the urge to ejaculate every so often. So our advice is, just realize it's normal, relax, and enjoy it. (And use a lube so you don't tear your penis to pieces one of these nights.)

I'm 67. Will there be a time in my life when I will no longer feel the need to masturbate? I read that more and more people are living to be 100 — do they masturbate?

JackinWorld has a lot of older readers, some into their upper 80s. (And for some reason, an especially large number of Question of the Week responders claim to be 69!) Masturbation frequency does decline with age, but the decline is much slower than many people think. It's not like middle-aged people masturbate half as often as 20-year-olds, and then almost never by the time they're 70 — a 70-year-old might still masturbate 3 or 4 times a week. We don't have any numbers for you regarding people past the century mark — but you can be sure the only time you'll definitely stop masturbating is after you've stopped breathing.

I am 16 and have never, ever masturbated. I've ejaculated in my sleep 3 or 4 times, though. Is this normal? I think this may make losing my virginity a much more incredible experience — am I correct?

It certainly is normal, if not universal, for males who rarely masturbate to have nocturnal emissions. (Many men who masturbate regularly never experience "wet dreams.") Regarding your second question, if that's the reason why you don't masturbate, it seems a little silly. While having your first waking orgasm coincide with this event could in fact be an earth-shattering experience, the chances are it won't work out the way you hope. For example, since you'll have essentially no experience controlling your body's sexual response, you could be a prime candidate for premature ejaculation — or "leaving the Christmas package at the door," as I like to call it. On the flipside, by building up your expectations greatly, you might find yourself unable to reach orgasm the first time. Either way, the experience of losing your virginity could be a huge let-down. I'm not saying one of these things will happen, but it just seems silly to deny yourself the pleasure, not to mention lose the opportunity to learn about how your body works sexually — one of the best things about masturbation.

A person I know found out I like to masturbate. Now it's kind of spreading around school, and I am being teased and criticized. I had the impression from your site that most guys masturbate, but most of them are claiming they don't. Can you give me some advice on how to handle the situation?
- age 14, Canada


You've hit on one of the very reasons JackinWorld exists! Believe me, every last kid who has teased or criticized you for masturbating — they all masturbate themselves. They feel guilty about it, because of the negative environment surrounding masturbation (which, of course, they're perpetuating). The only way they can handle their intense guilt is by teasing others about it — the ultimate form of denial. It's a horrible, horrible thing, but it happens almost universally, so JackinWorld is here to try to fight it.

My advice would be just to completely reject all of their denial. If someone says, "I've never masturbated in my life," ask them how old they were when they first did it. If they say only losers who can't get girls masturbate, ask them what their favorite method is. Congratulate them that they've learned to enjoy masturbation, and tell them how you like to do it. Tell them you're going to be the world's best lover because you've had so much practice. And tell them about JackinWorld! They need it more than anyone! Handling the situation this way is probably not something you would otherwise do, but you will baffle them with your sincerity, and after a while, they'll feel like idiots. You'll completely disarm them, and they won't be able to hurt you anymore with their comments. It's turning the other cheek, killing with kindness — the only thing you can do in this situation and emerge with self-respect, as well as the respect of your peers.

Is it true that all girls masturbate at the age of 13 or 14? One of my friends says she's done it only about 4 times, and another one says she doesn't, and a third says all girls do it. What is the percentage of 13- and 14-year-old females who masturbate?

I have no idea. But it's safe to say certainly not every girl your age masturbates. If one of your friends told you that, we have to say to you, don't believe everything your friends tell you! Surely some younger teen girls masturbate regularly, but I'd have to guess that among the general population, the fraction is probably one-third or less. Many women discover masturbation when they're a bit older — 16, 18, 20, and beyond.

I'm 17. Recently I went a few days without masturbating, and to my surprise I found myself notably more attracted to girls. I suddenly found myself staring at girls I'd never noticed before, as if I were in love. Did my abstaining from masturbation lead to this at all?

Probably. If you're used to ejaculating regularly, going without can really mess with your head. The results can vary; in your case it seems to have been rather pleasant, but others report almost a temporary insanity, when you're liable to do things and think things you definitely wouldn't otherwise. For those people, we at JackinWorld recommend regular masturbation for peace of mind!

When I reflect on orgasms that were especially satisfying, it always seems to be those in which I could clearly feel the progression of the semen all the way through my penis and could distinctly feel each spurt as it came out. This sensation seems essential to a truly satisfying ejaculation. Is there any way to help make this a part of every ejaculation, or is it the luck of the draw?

Most males do indeed equate orgasmic pleasure with the quantity of semen ejaculated. My main suggestion is to stimulate yourself for as long as possible (delaying orgasm) before ejaculation. When you're heavily aroused your body secretes more of the fluids that make up an ejaculation, and they tend to build up. When you finally ejaculate, you'll expel more semen, and it will feel better. Also, drinking lots of water an hour or so before the session can help increase the ejaculate volume.

For more tips on delaying orgasm, see the JackinLibrary article "Masturbate to Practice for Sex."

For 22 years I had no sexual release except through masturbation. (I'm a 3-a-day man, but when I was in high school it was more like 6 — I blame tight school skirts.) I finally landed a girlfriend, and shortly thereafter we started having sex. I quickly discovered that I am almost completely unable to ejaculate during intercourse. I can manage it only by holding my breath and restricting myself to strokes that are similar in nature to masturbation. I think I know why: In the last few years I've been applying more and more pressure to my penis while masturbating. I don't remember when I started holding my breath, but that seems to have crept in as well. At the same time, I was concerned that my masturbation sessions weren't taking long enough, so I experimented with delaying orgasm. I stopped pushing the limits when I managed an hour of masturbation without orgasm. Sex feels good to me, and it's not her — we are a very tight fit (she says I'm very wide and we almost always need to use a lubricant), and she is an interesting, adventurous, and skilled lover. Still, we are often forced to stop before I can manage an orgasm. I never particularly mind this, but she seems to feel bad about it, often asking if I find her attractive and always looking for something in herself to blame. Is it possible I have desensitized myself with furious and tight masturbation over the years?

It's possible, although I don't know how tight you've been. But I've heard a lot of males complain about this problem. I frankly think that for someone in your situation, masturbation doesn't help matters — it seems that if you never masturbated, you wouldn't have any problem achieving orgasm with a girl. So I would suggest refraining from masturbating for a few days before you have sex. If you have sex often, try not to masturbate for a while — or at least do it less often. I think that will increase your readiness to orgasm when you're with your girlfriend.

I have been masturbating for a year and a half now and do it about once a day. I masturbate in our bathroom with the door locked. I usually take 15 or 20 minutes to finish, and then I usually wait 5 more minutes for my erection to go away. My problem is that my parents think I am really going to the bathroom and that I am not feeling well, since it takes so long. I'm afraid they may bring it up at a doctor appointment. How can I can speed up the process and make my erection go away sooner?

I don't think trying to finish the deed faster is the best approach. Is there something keeping you from masturbating in bed at night? That's where a lot of guys do it. If you can't, maybe there's some way you could get your own room, or get your parents to let you close the door. It sounds like your parents don't have a clue about a young man's natural desire to masturbate (which is odd, since your dad was your age once, too). If you have a very conservative family they might know you're masturbating, in which case they could be harassing you by confronting you about your lengthy bathroom visits without ever addressing the true "problem." Then again, it's possible you're imagining the whole thing — unless they've come right out and said something about you possibly being sick, that's a definite possibility.

One final suggestion is to let them take you to the doctor. Then, privately, you can tell the doctor about your situation and let him take care of it (which he'll probably be willing to do). If your parents start telling the doctor about how much time you spend in the bathroom, I have a feeling he'll know exactly what the "problem" is and do his best to solve it.

Is it a good idea to masturbate to relieve sexual frustration, or to use my frustration to actively seek a partner? I get the impression that relationships are about more than sex anyway, and that leaping into relationships may prove disastrous given the amount of commitment required. Also, if masturbation does curb the desire to actively seek someone, does this necessarily mean that I will be less able to find a mate later on in life?

Of course relationships are about more than sex, and one reason JackinWorld encourages people to masturbate is it helps relieve the desires that can lead to unwanted pregnancies and STDs. By masturbating you will certainly not be less likely to find a mate later, as there are many other reasons than sex for people getting together — companionship, affection, and love, for example. This will probably become clearer to you as you get older.

The only time I get a chance to masturbate is at night, usually sometime after midnight. But my parents still occasionally get up in the middle of the night, sometimes when I'm masturbating, and it's really aggravating to get hardly any privacy. I locked the door once, and at about 2 am my mom tried to open it and asked what I was doing. I said I was changing. (At 2 in the morning! It was a really lame response.) It messes up my concentration, and I can't get the pleasure I seek when someone tries to come into my room.

You didn't mention your age, but anyone who's at least 13 or 14 is entitled to privacy in his or her own bedroom. My guess is your parents — especially your mother — do not particularly want you growing up as fast as you are, and they're in a bit of denial that your sexuality is developing. They may subconsciously want you to remain their "innocent little boy" forever, and denying you privacy is their way — inappropriate as it may be — of making sure you're still their little boy.

I would talk to your father about the privacy issue. You don't have to say anything specific; just explain you think you're too old to have to be checked on in the middle of the night, and that it's making you unhappy. And make an agreement that they'll knock before entering your room, just as you'll knock before entering theirs (which they probably already have you do). This subtly implies there's a sexual element to your concerns — and if your dad masturbated at all as a teen (which he very likely did), he'll understand and grant your wishes.

When I ejaculate, I don't think I have an orgasm. Can this even happen?

The nature of orgasm differs from person to person. For some people an orgasm can be tremendously powerful; for others it can be mild or even virtually nonexistent. It can also change over time. The descriptions on JackinWorld about how an orgasm feels are just how most people experience them; it's by no means an absolute. That's about all I can tell you.

When you go in for a physical, can the doctor tell you have been masturbating?

Well, if you have a wilting erection and your hand is covered with semen, yes, I think he could tell. If you mean you masturbated before you got to the waiting room, no, he probably couldn't. But what difference does it make? He knows most males masturbate frequently.

I've been masturbating for 2 1/2 years now, about once or twice every week. I've noticed that my orgasm never reaches the same amount of pleasure as it did when I first started. I still masturbate because it's still somewhat pleasurable, but not as much as I'd like. Once I actually felt nothing but the semen shooting out. Is there anything I can do to reach the high pleasure level I once got?
- age 16, Canada

I have heard people mention this time and time again. Apparently many people experience a loss in the intensity of the orgasm not long after they start to experience them. As far as I can tell, there are at least three possible explanations:
1. There is an actual orgasm intensity loss due to the fact that the orgasm is no longer a "new" sensation to the body;
2. There is an actual orgasm-intensity loss due to the fact that the person is experiencing orgasms more often than he was at the beginning (orgasms are more intense when there's a greater amount of time between them);
3. The orgasms only seem to be less intense, because your mind has gotten used to the feelings, so they aren't as mind-blowing as the first ones were.

I don't know of any way to regain the pleasure intensity, except perhaps stimulating your penis for a longer time before ejaculating (the "Stop & Go" method from JackinExpert), and/or cutting down on your masturbation frequency. As I mentioned, the best orgasms are those that happen when you really need to masturbate because you haven't ejaculated in a while — not just because you're bored or have some time to kill.

I'm a 16-year-old male. I feel the urge to masturbate only about once a week, sometimes less often than that. Also, I need to look at erotic pictures for around a half-hour before I even get an erection. I never get erections spontaneously, or even when looking at girls. Is this unusual? I have been on vacation for 3 weeks now and have had to relieve myself only once. It's very annoying!

The amount of sex drive a person has varies greatly from individual to individual, a variance that's completely normal. Everyone is different, and it's this diversity that makes the human race so interesting and complex.

I'm sure a lot of JackinWorld readers would tell you to be happy for your low sex drive. A high sex drive can really interfere with a person's day-to-day life, and although masturbation is pleasurable, when you have to devote a significant portion of every day just relieving the tension enough to let you think and act normally, that adds up to a lot of time. Sometimes masturbation becomes more of a chore than a pleasure, and that's not what good masturbation is about.

I'm going to get married soon, and we want to have a baby quite quickly. Does masturbation affect a man's fertility and ejaculation volume? Has volume got anything to do with fertility in the first place, and if so, should I stop masturbating?

Apart from reducing the volume of the next ejaculation slightly (and very temporarily), no, it doesn't affect your fertility. There are many, many millions of sperm cells in a regular-size ejaculation, and all it takes is one to get a woman pregnant — so I doubt abstaining from masturbating would have much effect.

I'm almost 17, and I've masturbated only once — and it wasn't a very pleasant experience. I was about 13; I started rubbing my penis, and finally I ejaculated. I remember it kind of hurt, and the semen had a yellowish color. I did not want to do it again, and I haven't since. The only time I ejaculate is when I'm asleep, and I've never ejaculated with a girl. I'm too scared to masturbate, although I would like to try it again. Sometimes I'll start playing with myself, but I stop after a short time. How can I get over the fear of ejaculation?

Sorry you had that unfortunate experience. It's quite common, though, and ensuing ejaculations are usually not painful at all. (Quite the contrary!) The problem may have been that you were startled by the sensation and stopped halfway through the ejaculation, which can cause some discomfort. The next time you do it, remember to not stop rubbing until you have completely finished ejaculating. As for how to "get up the nerve" ... I have no idea. I'm sure many of your fellow JackinWorld readers would like to tell you, "Get over it!"

How come whenever I'm done masturbating, I feel like I was being stupid and have the urge to put on my clothes immediately?
- age 14, New York

That is an extremely common reaction, and it's almost certainly physiological (i.e., physical rather than mental) in origin. For most guys, something just shuts their brain off to sex when they're done ejaculating. For many, this manifests itself in the form of guilt — that you were "being stupid" (as you put it), or they ask themselves, "Why did I just do that?" This is all normal, and you'll probably outgrow it as you get older.

I'm 14. A lot of my friends — I can think of 6 or 7 off the top of my head — claim they have never, ever masturbated in their whole lives. Are they lying, or could that be possible?

It's possible. But out of your 6 or 7 friends, I'd say it's likely some of them aren't telling you the truth — and there's a chance none of them are. If they're your age, some of them may not have discovered masturbation yet. However, I'd say it's quite unlikely — although certainly not impossible — all of them have never masturbated.

I want to know how many of the other boys at my school masturbate. There are about 3,000 people altogether.
- age 16, Utah

It's hard to say, because I don't know what grades we're talking about. If your school is 9th through 12th grade, at least 90% is masturbating, or 2,700. If it's 7th through 12th, it's still probably well over 2,000.

In your surveys it says the average 15-year-old masturbates 9 times a week. Well, I like to do it 4-5 times a day, or around 30 times a week. Is that too much?
- age 15, Missouri

Probably not. The "9" figure was an average. Plenty of guys your age masturbate as much as you do — and as long as it isn't taking a lot of time away from other activities, go for it.

I've heard about some people masturbating 7 times a day. I can't even have a third orgasm in one day. How do they do it 7 times in one day? And how can I get myself to do it 7 times a day?
- age 16, Minnesota

If 2 times a day weren't enough for you, you'd be able to masturbate more! If you're satisfied with 2, there's no real point in doing it more, is there? Everybody's different, and just because some people masturbate more often than you do doesn't mean you're not perfectly healthy and normal.

I masturbate about seven times a day. That's 49 times a week, which is a lot. Is there any way to bring down my horniness?
- age 14, Canada

For centuries adults have tried to use sports and other activities to reduce the sex drive in teenage boys, but nothing seems to work — except, of course masturbation! (As temporary a solution as it may be.)

I'm 13 and I go to JackinWorld often. I read about people who masturbate 3-6 times a day — but if I masturbate more then 2 or 3 times, my erection feels like a bruise, and I can't masturbate for about 24 hours. I don't even masturbate that aggressively or intensely. Is this normal?

Of course. You just have to remember that everyone's different. It's actually pretty unusual for anyone to masturbate more than 3 times a day, day in and day out — you're more on the average part of the bell curve. And for some people, masturbating just twice a day — even with lube — can leave their penis feeling a little sore. Don't feel bad about going at your own pace, and enjoy it!

 
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