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— masturbation letters & tips

If you'd like to submit a letter (tips, thoughts, suggestions) for possible inclusion in JackinForum, or if you're looking for advice from other readers, send it here. You will not receive a response, but thank you very much for writing. (If you have a question, please go to the FAQtree. JackinForum is not the place to send general masturbation questions. Only advice-type questions that haven't been answered elsewhere on the site will be considered for JackinForum.)

Last updated 6/23/07

Find Your Ideal Lube Blend
I've been in the medical/pharmaceutical profession for several years now, so I know a few things about mixing lotions, creams, ointments, etc. I discovered a great way to make your own personal lubricant for use with your favorite activity! I know that there are many commercially available products out there, but this is an easy, convenient way for a guy to make his own personal lube — kind of a simple "home recipe."

Buy a small bottle of your favorite hand lotion, one with a smell, consistency, etc. that appeals to you. Try to find one that has a dispenser top. Use a small amount of the hand lotion, replace the used portion with baby oil, and mix well. Essentially you are diluting the lotion to make a more slippery version. You can vary the lotion-to-oil ratio to give you the best-feeling mix; using different brands of lotion, and varying amounts of oil, will give you a variety of different feels. This "mix" seems to work much better than using the hand lotion or the baby oil alone (although I know that some guys tend to be purists!). Trying different mixes of products and amounts of oil is part of the fun in discovering your own "personal best-lube mix." Each guy will have his own individual preferences.

Brush With Greatness
This method is fantastic and will give you an unbelievable sensation. You need a soft-bristle toothbrush. Use the brush to gently and slowly rub your balls and underside of your penis. It will give you a feeling like you've never had. You can fondle yourself for hours this way. When you take a break and start up again, you'll experience the same intense pleasure without ejaculating. You can use the handle of the brush to rub your scrotum with as well as the crack of your feels soooo good. Be careful: Don't brush under your penis head for too long or you'll ejaculate. When you do want to climax, just start masturbating normally. Try it — I can pleasure myself up to 4 hours with this method, and my penis remains as erect as can be the whole time.

[For hygiene reasons, do not use your own or someone else's personal toothbrush for this technique.]

Chiquita Chick
First, place a condom on your penis. Next, cut the top off a banana and scoop out the fruit, leaving a hollow peel. Get a plastic sandwich baggie and place the banana peel inside. Then put the baggie containing the peel in between the mattresses of your bed. If the mattresses are too firm, put a crumpled-up T-shirt on top and bottom of the baggie when it is between the mattresses. Finally, place your penis (with condom on) into the banana peel and start going. The condom reduces chaffing and also helps with the cleanup process.

It's In Tents
Albolene mixed with a bit of silicone liquid (available at the hardware store in a spray can) makes an excellent floatant for fly-fishing flys! And later, in the tent, you can butter "it" up and squeeze off a couple!

Yoga For Flexibility
To all those guys out there who can manage autofellatio, and some who can't, I have three words for you: yoga, yoga, and yoga. I personally have always had the length and some of the flexibility required for autofellatio, although for some days afterward I'd always end up with a sore neck. Just recently I started doing yoga exercises, and most of my problems have disappeared. Not only do I lose the sore neck, but I can also go farther (helpful for those who can't quite reach), even ending up about a half-inch onto the shaft or so! Yoga is an effective way to stretch your muscles (making injury less likely) and greatly increase your flexibility. And, finally, all guys who claim that it's gross only say so because they can't. Trust me, if they could, they would!
[Note: Overeager autofellatio attempts can be dangerous to your neck and back. If you do attempt it, proceed slowly and cautiously — and remember, most guys are simply physically incapable of achieving this technique.]

Perfecting The Cuke/Zuke Simulator
[Regarding the Cucumber/Zucchini Vagina Simulator]: Rather then boil the cuke, run it under hot water after you've carved it out with a fruit baller or circular potato peeler. The internal depth can be adjusted by inserting the end of a screwdriver handle or broom-handle-shaped object. Be sure to poke at least two small holes (with a turkey tie or straight nail) right at the end of the cuke, and make sure the nail did, in fact, pierce the internal tunnel. (Don't leave the nail in!) You can check by blowing into the cuke; you don't want air pressure to be able to build up. This will ensure the proper suction and make the insertion and thrusting go very nice. Next, wrap the simulator in a small towel and place it under the sofa cushion to hold in place at the desired height. You can use a small container of warm water, placed nearby, to rejuvenate the lube and keep the interior of the cuke wet while you're having fun. The more moisture applied, the more wet, sucking sounds you will have. You can get an awful lot of pleasure from a 50-cent cucumber — and when you're done, you can rinse it out with hot water and place it in a ZipLoc bag, with the air forced out before sealing, and keep it in the fridge for another couple of uses.

Nylon Huggers
Don some cast-off nylons and puncture a hole in the crotch just big enough for your penis. Wearing the nylons like this pulls your penis skin back tightly and hugs your boys, making for a very sensual rub.

Working Toward A No-Touch Orgasm
After months of getting close but no cigar, I finally emerge a man who can have a "no-touch orgasm." For me to (finally) achieve this took nothing more than intense visualization (including all 5 senses, focusing mostly on touch). So here are the most important tips for you guys out there who have tried, but just can't quite do it.

Relax and get comfortable. This is pretty self-explanatory; whatever works for you works for you. I usually sit down (so I don't fall asleep) late at night on my bed, wrapped up in blankets, with headphones on when I feel like listening to something relaxing. I very much recommend making sure to stay warm. If you feel more comfortable being naked, by all means be naked. I personally feel more relaxed fully dressed.

Breathe naturally. You don't need to take in deep breaths, just natural breaths. If you find your heart beating faster and your breathing rate increasing, that's a good thing — it means you're getting aroused. Just keep everything relaxed and don't rush it.

Move slowly. I cannot stress this enough. I usually spend between 20 and 120 minutes before I start having the actual orgasm. Take in every taste, touch, and odor. Imagine the warmth and moisture of her lips, of her vagina...take in everything.

Don't let your mind wander. I suck at staying focused on one task. If you start to notice your mind wandering, do something physical to bring your mind back to the sexual. Rub a nipple, move your hand down your chest, thigh, whatever it takes. (Just keep in mind this is a no-touch orgasm, at least with regard to your genitals.)

Emotional response. This is the thing that kept me from finally achieving it for months — although now that I know it, it seems so obvious. Men don't really need to put any emotional value into sex to have an orgasm, but having a no-touch orgasm is a completely different ballgame. Don't just imagine yourself banging any hot chick; instead, choose someone that you simply adore. Even if they're not exactly the most attractive person you've met, you'll find that imagining a "first time" with this specific person, if you hadn't already, is much more orgasm-inducing than fantasizing about some random porn star.

Last words of advice. Keep it clean. Find out for yourself how to separate the orgasm from ejaculation; this way, you'll realize you don't exactly need to ejaculate to achieve this, though I still have a few times. Try something a little different every time. Try doing it your own way, too. Fantasies of teachers with big breasts are nice, yet without even realizing it, many like to really go all out with fantasies, making it more visual than full-body and harder to have the no-touch orgasm. Just remember, if you decide to choose such a fantasy, it takes much more concentration. Also, don't force any thoughts in or out of your head. I was once a kid, too, and I know random guy's asses will pop in and out here and there — and even though you might think that's gross, just keep your mind on track and don't freak out. Have fun and best of luck with the No-Touch!

Confusing Masturbation & Intercourse
You mention little about it in your web site, but certainly, men who aren't able to enjoy their masturbation are likely to confuse it with intercourse and subject women to the experience of being masturbation simulators rather than real persons with whom to interact. This is a common infliction of men, especially those who were educated Catholic, which taught that masturbation is sinful. How the church has distorted what should be the natural pleasure of every man is so bizarre, even more bizarre than what they have taught women about the sinfulness of sex. That male masturbation is healthy is still not a well-publicized philosophy in a Puritan society that no doubt has helped to destroy many marriages through the perversion of sexuality, personal or interactive. If men could enjoy personal sex, they might also develop their capacity to enjoy interactive sex. Then, women would be welcome partners, not passive tools to male ejaculation.


Gloves & Coffee Can Simulator
I have been trying to figure out a way that's simple to masturbate. This way I found works very well, feels about 95% like a real vagina. You'll need:
  • 1. One normal-size empty coffee can (I used a 34.5 oz can)
  • 2. Four rubber gloves
  • 3. Some sort of lube (Vaseline works well with this one).
Fill all four gloves with warm water, and tie the ends to hold the water. After that, put one glove in the flat bottom. This is to give you some cushion at the bottom. Once that's done, place the last three gloves in a circle-like ring. This works best if you have the fingers pointing down in to the can, with the tied-up ends facing up. Basically, when you look down into the can, you should see a nice, little, tight hole. Oh, and is it ever. Put some kind of lube in the middle, and have at it.

Mondo Pleasure
I just wanted to throw a "5-hand" suggestion your way, as it is a shame this thing doesn't have the publicity it deserves. There is a children's toy out there called the Super Mondo Ball. You should be able to find it at most local toy stores or science-museum gift shops. It feels absolutely fantastic with the addition of your favorite lubricant. Benefits:
  • 1. It's filled with "pleasure fingers"
  • 2. It's reversible, for two different sensations
  • 3. It's very easy to clean (seriously, a little soap and water and you'll wonder where the mess went)
  • 4. It's cheap ($6-$8)
  • 5. It lasts a long time
  • 6. Inoffensive appearance (doesn't resemble a disembodied vagina), so if you get hit by a bus, nobody will find it in your drawer and laugh at you
  • 7. One size fits all
  • 8. It's perfect for when you're sitting in front of the computer (put a towel on the chair just in case)
Plus, it feels like a breast when reversed!

Controlling Smegma Forever
I have a very helpful tip for uncircumcised males regarding smegma buildup. Smegma can have a strong odor that is very distinctive, and it can be embarrassing when in an intimate encounter. It's pretty well known that uncircumcised men must keep the area beneath their foreskin clean, but it's my understanding that smegma buildup (the odor, not the physical buildup itself) is not necessarily an indication as to whether your foreskin and glans area is "clean" or not. I recall beginning to notice it when I was around 16 (I'm 28 now), and when I attempted to clean the area with soap and water, almost always the odor would persist. Some of the uncircumcised guys may already know about this trick, which I figured out when I was around 18: I came up with the idea to retract the foreskin and immerse the glans and retracted foreskin area in mouthwash. It worked like a charm! The antiseptic qualities seem to completely eradicate the bacteria that cause the odor, and (and despite what one may think, it DOES NOT feel the same down there as it does in your mouth) it is not painful to do so. The sensation it produces could be considered by some to be mildly uncomfortable, but it disappears very quickly and keeps your penis clean and clean-smelling. At first I was concerned about potential side effects/health risks, but after doing it for almost a decade now, it's clear that the solution has about the same effect on the penis as it does on the mouth. (Interestingly, the tissue in both can be considered somewhat similar.) I certainly hope this can be useful information for some — it sure has for me!

Heat Wraps Are Hot
At your local pharmacy or grocery store buy ThermaCare menstrual heat wraps (it sounds strange, but its low heat feels so good, and the regular ones might get too hot). Next, about two hours before you want to masturbate, attach the wrap to some snug-fitting underwear (one size too small). Make sure it goes from your penis to under your balls. It takes 30 minutes to warm up; it doesn't get too hot, but it feels really good. You will be thinking of sex the entire time your wear it. Wear some baggy clothes, because you may have an erection most the time. When you're ready, use your favorite technique to masturbate.

Spandex Ballet
I have personally tried and tested this masturbation technique and use it consistently. I discovered it after I was getting ready for a workout one day and hadn't masturbated in a couple days. First, you need a pair of spandex or some sort of spandex-like pair of underwear. I've found that Nike's dry-fit spandex to be some of the best because they don't compress too tightly, but I also use these Merona boxer-briefs that I found at Target that work just as well. The technique is pretty simple: Just put on your spandex, get an erection, and then move your erection off to the side or down your leg. Then with your hand on the outside of the material, move your erection up and down your leg. Your penis will glide against the material, which creates an awesome sensation. Sometimes pre-ejaculatory fluid can wet the spandex and create some friction against your penis, but if that happens just move to another part of the spandex.

Chap This
A lube that doesn't make people suspicious is Chap-Stick. It's not the best, but it works pretty well. My favorite is the peppermint flavor, because the mint gives you that extra sensation!

Loosening A Tight Foreskin
A helpful hint for uncut guys of a certain age...or any age, maybe — I'm 71 and it's working for me. I was worried about how tight my foreskin was getting, to the point where I couldn't retract it. I had used handcreams and such to relax the foreskin, but it didn't help much. Lubrication did turn out to be the answer, but not the way I was doing it. This is my advice to anybody with the same problem:

1. Be sure to use the right cream — not a first-aid cream, not a commercial hand cream, nothing with a fragrance, but a bland moisturizing cream that is non-comedogenic, whatever that means. I use one called Cetophen, but I'm sure there are others. Vaseline is also helpful, but I don't think it's enough by itself.

2. Keep after it. This may be the most important factor of all. Grease yourself up every morning and evening. (I say "grease," but these creams are soluble and don't stain.) First, wash yourself, not with a detergent bar, which most "soaps" are, but with an actual soap like Dial (unscented.) Then apply the cream. If you can't pull the foreskin all the way down at first, retract it as much as you can and apply the cream around the rim and into the glans. You don't have to rub it in; leave some on. I can't guarantee your results, but after two weeks of this treatment, my foreskin slid back slick as a whistle and I was back in business. But if I skip two or three sessions, the old problem starts to come back. So you may need to develop a regimen and stick to it.

By the way, any teenager with this problem can also ask his dad about it. Most dads are glad to help their sons with stuff like this, once the ice is broken (which is generally up to the son).

Those Bumps!
In JackinQ&A, a guy had concerns about bumps at the bottom of the penis head. I had the same question and concerns all of my life — until recently, when I came across an explanation in the book Dick: A User's Guide. These bumps are called "pearly penile papules." They're considered a normal physiological variant among males, so they're nothing to worry about — just another of the many anatomical variations that makes each of us a unique individual. If you search for "pearly penile papules" on the Net, you'll find pictures and some excellent articles to put your mind at ease. I just don't want other guys to go all their life wondering if something was "wrong" with them.

Vibrating Razor Device
My masturbation technique requires a vibrating device. I use a men's Gillette M3 electric razor. Just remove the blades from the device and turn it on. Move the device around to find the "sweet spot" on the penis. Don't masturbate in any other way. A good position is to lie on your back. When the orgasm is about to occur, your penis will start to twitch, but you should continue to use the vibrating device rather than your hand. The semen may not squirt out (it may slowly drip out), but the orgasm is usually very pleasurable. It's like someone is torturing you with an orgasm. The feeling may be so strong that you would like to stay in that moment forever. I've also noticed that I ejaculate more semen that way. Now I don't want to masturbate by hand anymore.

Cocoa Butter Creme Lube
I'd like to nominate Queen Helene Cocoa Butter Creme as the best masturbatory lubricant. It's inexpensive, lasts a very long time, and is easily available in the skin-care section of the drug store. No need to clean it off — it's good for your skin.

Create A Fountain Of Semen
Put a dab of water-based lubricant in the tip of a latex condom and roll the condom onto your penis. (I use a condom to minimize mess, enhance stimulation, and collect "pre-cum" for use as lubricant. If you use one, make sure you have urinated recently before starting this extended session, because you won't be able to for a while.) Masturbate without ejaculating for two or more 30-minute sessions, with a few hours between sessions, approaching near climax at least 3 times during each session. This called "edging." Leave the condom on after each session so you can stimulate your penis whenever the urge and/or opportunity arises over the next few hours. After a few hours, stimulate your penis again for at least 30 minutes and get near the "point of no return" as many times as possible. Repeat if desired after a few more hours, or proceed to ejaculation. The extended sessions will build up into an orgasm with a semen fountain like you've never seen before!

Cucumber/Zucchini Vagina Simulator
The best way I have found to simulate the silky soft, wet, and most important, warm feeling of a vagina is this method: Buy a cucumber or a zucchini that is at least an inch and a half wider than your penis, and an inch longer. Boil it as if you were about to eat it, until it is soft, but not falling apart. Use a butter knife to carve out the inside to the size of your penis. Be careful not to make it too big or you have wasted your time. Insert your penis into this little organic device to be sure the size is right, and adjust accordingly. CAUTION: Boiling water is very hot, so check the temperature before inserting your penis, otherwise you may get burned. The tricky part is that you want to have the vegetable hot enough so that it's still warm when you start humping it. You can put it under a pillow or between cushions. This feels exactly like a real vagina — and I say exactly. Not for the non-devoted, because it takes preparation and time.

Rubber Wig Masturbation Device
Go to a toy store and buy one of those soft, super-stretchy rubbery wigs, the kind that have the soft spikes all over that make your head look like a sea anemone. They cost about $6. (They're not actually rubber but some kind of modern gel-rubber stuff that stretches very far without breaking.) Turn it inside out so the spikes are on the inside. Put about a half-teaspoon of water-based lube inside, work the lube around the spikes, and then slip your penis inside. All those soft, lubed-up, spiky fingers feel amazing all over your penis. It's like a thousand little fingers going at you at once. It's very intense no matter how you use it — hold it in your hand and stroke your penis as usual, lie on it and rub yourself inside it, or even put it under the edge of the mattress. When you're finished, be sure you turn it back inside out and wash it well with soap and warm water, and let it dry completely. The rubber is porous and mold can grow on it if it's not clean and dry. If you can, dust it with a little cornstarch and store it in a plastic bag to keep it dry until next time. Enjoy!

Aloe Vera Gel Lube
In all the biographies, I am amazed at the lack of knowledge about the best lubricant out there, as well as the easiest to clean up (or just leave on to no ill effect). The product is Aloe Vera Gel with lidocaine. This product is marketed for sunburn, bites, and so on, but it's perfect for every application I have read about in this forum. It's easily washed or wiped off, or if left on would be good for your skin. I actually use it as an aftershave, also (if anyone needs to know why you have that product).

Hot/Cold Pack Masturbation Device
One item I have not seen mentioned to simulate a vagina is a simple and wonderful ready-made product: a Hot/Cold pack. It's a plastic bag about 10 inches long and 4 inches wide by maybe 1/4" thick. It is usually filled with a blue gel. If you let it soak in hot water for a few minutes, it gets to body temperature. Then you can squeeze some lube all over your penis and wrap the "pack" around your erection. You can make a sleeve out of a sock or just use your hand to adjust tension. This pack makes a nice and easy humping or masturbation experience, and it's washable and reusable. I haven't investigated, but larger versions of these Hot/Cold packs may be available. That would make it nicer for those with Erecti giganticus.

Semen Flavors
I've been masturbating about 3 times a day for 5 years or so. Ever since I first ejaculated (it took me a while to realize it was a feature of masturbating), I've been eating my semen. The flavor varies with the diet. With meats and such, there is a salty or almost buttery taste. With fruits, well, my favorite, it's a sweet sensation. Caution though, vegetables can be bad depending on what they are. But fish is the worst. Never again will I eat my semen after eating fish. I've also figured out texture can make the difference. Yes, prolonged masturbation sessions produce more semen, but the texture is more liquid and shoots farther. Personally, I think that kind of semen tastes pretty bad. I find that thicker, whiter, more opaque semen is tastier. If you want to try eating your semen, catch it in your left hand like a cup, or if you're careful, your right index finger or thumb (depending on the texture and your penis angle).
- age 16, Illinois

Male Multiple Orgasms
I have just read the article on multiple orgasms for men. It triggered some memories of when I was a boy — between age 8 and 11. I discovered that when I climbed the support poles for the swings at school, I got this intense and fantastic feeling in my pelvis area. I would also get an erection. The teachers were really not happy to see us climbing on the swing poles, so most of the time when I did this I would come to the schoolyard on the weekends just to climb on the poles. I am wondering first if other guys have had this experience. And second, it seems to me now that the same kind of stimulation might be available to me now just by doing Kegel exercises and squeezing and bending my legs to stimulate climbing a pole. I was very interested in the article and I remember that I could get the feeling while climbing the poles as many times as I wanted. The only limit was when I was too tired. I can't remember why I stopped doing it, but most likely it was because I had too many other interests as I got older. I learned how to masturbate when I was 10, so that may have been another reason I stopped. I was able to have an orgasm just by masturbating a few times in succession then, but over the years the old refractory period has become my stumbling block. I was able to ejaculate a couple of times when I was in my 20s and 30s while having sex with my wife if I could stay erect after ejaculating. I'd love to be able to have multiple "dry" orgasms now to extend my masturbation pleasure. I still masturbate at least once a day and sometimes more. I enjoy sex with my wife of 40 years too, but will never stop pleasuring myself.

Catholic Masturbation Guilt 3
As an older man who grew up Catholic, I now realize that the church did a major disservice to me, and continues to do the same to young Catholic men (and women) as well as to priests (and nuns). That disservice was to teach me that any expression of my sexuality was a sin unless it was by intercourse with my wife (which no young Catholic male has). Of course I "sinned"! I have masturbated with a passion from when I was 12 to the present, both alone and with friends in many variations of what most men know as "circle jerks." (I have also had my share of intercourse.) But, with that came a terrible load of guilt, and I am sure that guilt followed me into adulthood, marriage, and all my sexual relationships. I do not think I am completely over it even today. I now realize that the truth is that early and continued expression of sexuality is not only normal but needs to be encouraged. To not do so can cause intense suffering, and in many cases aberrant behavior, e.g., the abuses of kids all over the world by clergy in positions of trust. So I think all Catholic boys and men (including clergy) should not only wank as they desire and can, but that just maybe the church should encourage and teach it. (For the record, I have serious problems with the Catholic requirement of celibacy for their priests, brothers, and nuns.) A pertinent anecdote: Nancy Friday (who wrote several books on female expressions of sexuality, the best known being My Secret Garden) once gave a lecture at the Miami Book Fair. During the Q&A period one woman rose and said, "You have taught me that I do not have a sewer between my legs, and that my sexuality is part of me. How can I ever thank you?" There was a long silence. Then Nancy Friday said, "You could teach your daughters to masturbate." I think that advice, which was probably ignored, should be given to all parents, fathers and mothers alike, and extended to sons as well. There are terrible taboos on doing such, but think of what such teaching could alleviate. So, Father, wank whenever you feel the need and have a safe place to do it. You will be a better priest for having done that!

Catholic Masturbation Guilt 2
I've just finished studying at theological college. I found your web site by accident a couple of months ago and I feel like I've come home. At last I've found somewhere where I can be frank and admit to masturbating, and where others are frank enough to admit to it, too. I was also very interested in the recent entry on Catholic masturbation guilt, as I had a similar experience myself. I was fairly carefree about masturbation as a teenager. My mother gave me a "talk" when I was 13. She told me that now I was growing up and I might find that I sometimes "wet myself" in bed. She told me not to feel embarrassed or ashamed if this happened. Then she handed me a booklet and said, "It's all in here." The booklet said very general stuff about men impregnating women with their semen. It didn't mention erections, but near the end it did say that boys sometime have nocturnal emissions of their semen and that some boys find they like to masturbate. That was fairly clear — masturbation and "wet dreams" were part of growing up. It was something most boys do and it was not an issue for my parents. I matured sexually at age 15 with a couple of "wet dreams," and then I started masturbating regularly. At that time I shared a room with my older brother. We had a tacit agreement that we could each masturbate if we wanted, but we never talked about it. As such I got away with masturbating right under everybody's noses at home: my mother acquiesced to the stains on my sheets, and my brother to the rubbing sounds and gasps of pleasure that I made (even though he rarely did it himself). Everybody in the family knew I masturbated every night, and I had great fun doing it. I was "pleasantly surprised," for want of a better expression, when I hadn't grown out of it by my early 20s. I'd gotten a clear impression that it was a teenage thing, but here I was still playing with myself, still getting spontaneous erections and "wet dreams" just the same. So I carried on.

I don't think the Bible teaches specifically against masturbation, but when I started at theological college I realized the fact that I masturbated would not be what most people expected of me — that people would expect I had grown out of it by now, or should be able to "control myself" better. I knew that some people would even regard me as degraded or dirty. Then I found an article about "owning" your sexuality. It didn't have much to do with masturbation as such. It talked about recognizing patterns and rhythms in your sexuality, acknowledging whether you were hetero, bi, or gay, and how strong your sex drive was. However it did make me think about why I masturbated, and shortly after I read that article, I gave myself "consent" as it were to carry on doing it. There were clearly patterns and rhythms in my sexuality that made me want to masturbate, that were always going to be there, and I had to be realistic. As a Christian I have committed myself not to have sexual relations outside marriage, but masturbation is accessible to me and I figured I owed it to myself to go along with the natural instincts and urges of my own body and enjoy the sexuality I have been given (that I "own") — in other words, to be myself.

That's how I resolved it. Reading JackinWorld has made me more aware that for all the people who don't expect it of me to be a masturbator, there are an equal number of people who regard it as perfectly normal and practice regular masturbation themselves.
- age 29, United Kingdom

The Tube Steak
For this simulator, you need the following ingredients:
  • 1 decent-size steak
  • olive oil
  • microwave oven
  • needle and thread
  1. Wrap the steak around your penis. Mould it to the correct tube shape and remove it.
  2. Take the needle and thread and stitch it up so it retains its tube-like shape. This isn't necessary, but it helps to maintain the tube-like shape during masturbation. You can also wrap string around the steak instead of sewing it. The tighter you wrap it, the tighter the "vagina".
  3. Smear the inside of the steak-tube with olive oil. Place the steak-tube in the microwave for 20 seconds (for an 800-watt oven; for others, warming times may vary). Test the wamth of the oil and steak by placing your finger inside. Make sure it isn't too hot. Now place you penis inside, and go for it. Ignore all other claims....this is the closest thing to a REAL vagina, bar none.
Note: Different sensations can be obtained by using different cuts of beef. Veal is good but some people may have moral objections to using veal. I prefer rib-eye as it feels a little grittier.

Outdoor Wanking
I recently tried masturbating outside for the first time, and it was amazing. I was home alone late one evening, and feeling very horny, so I decided to go out onto my deck and have a little fun. The feeling of the cool summer breeze blowing all over my naked body was incredible. This and the thought that someone might be able to see me made this one of my best sessions ever. My orgasm was fantastic. I hope to masturbate outside again in the near future, and I would highly recommend it.

Inner Tube Simulator
Some time ago I came across an interesting article on how to make a device that will simulate the feeling of a vagina. This masturbation aide was very cheap to build, as it only requires two items.
  • 1 piece of 2 1/4" OD (Outside Diameter) PVC pipe that is 3" longer than your penis.
  • 1 length of bicycle inner tube that is 4" longer than the PVC pipe. Cut and wash it to remove any dirt, talc, and any other matter that could leave marks on your penis.
  1. After cutting the PVC pipe, smooth the sharp edges of the tube ends with fine sandpaper or a file to give them a smooth, round edge. This edge is necessary for the second part of the device.
  2. Once the tube is all sanded, drill a 1/4" hole in the side of the tube to allow air to escape once you start to insert your penis.
  3. Next, take the length of bicycle inner tube (4" longer than the tube you cut and drilled), insert the inner tube through the middle of the PVC pipe, and then fold and work the inner tube over the outside of the pipe for about 2". This may take a bit of work, but it is worth it in the end, I promise. Do the same to the other end as well, and ensure that the inner tube is not twisted in the middle of the pipe, or you might not get your penis inserted.
  4. Now that you have folded both ends of the inner tube over the pipe, you are ready to have some fun. Apply some K-Y Liquid or other water-based lubricant over your penis, and insert it into the artificial vagina you have just made. Pump the tube to simulate humping action. If the lubricant starts to dry out, just add a few drops of water into the open end and keep pumping.
  5. After you have ejaculated, just hold your finger over the breather hole and rinse the inner tube under running water. Your device should give you lots of good service, and if the inner tube ever breaks or wears out, just replace it, and you are ready to go again.

Improving the Mark IV Masturbation Device
I'm writing in regards to the Mark IV Masturbation Device. It works great! I just wanted to let other guys know that I had to tweak a thing or two during construction to get it to work.
  • First, when cutting the holes in the plastic bottle, the knife has to be really sharp, or you won't get nice holes. I actually used a soldering iron to "cut" into the plastic. This made the holes smoother, which prevents cracking and sharp edges touching the penis.
  • The two helium balloons (from step #5) were difficult to stretch over the hole, but they stayed fine when I used some of the wide, clear packing tape to tape down their edges on the outside of the bottle. I used rubber bands (per step #9), but I also used tape in the last step to attach the punching balloon so it was really secure.
  • I'd also suggest using a clear bottle and a clear punching balloon (if you can find one). Then you can watch as you thrust.
  • I poked only two very small holes near the cap (discussed in step #2). When I was using the device, I could alternate putting my fingers over the holes to trap the air as I thrusted. This made a wonderful sucking feeling on my penis.
  • If you use a punching balloon that is slightly ribbed or textured, insert your entire shaft into the device, so the bottom is touching your pubic area, and then turn the whole thing around so it's "spinning" around your penis and stimulating it. Feels great!

Egg White Lube
Try egg white as a lube. It has a better viscosity than "pre-cum" and it's natural. Stay away from petroleum-based oils.

Belt Drive Masturbation
  1. Take a leather or cloth (smooth or woven) belt and place it beside you.
  2. Begin stroking your penis with your hand to obtain a full erection.
  3. Wrap the belt around the base of your penis, and criss-cross on the underside of your penis (across your balls).
  4. Pull the belt so that it creates a little pressure on your balls and pulls your penis straight up and down (or slightly toward your feet.)
  5. Put the excess of the belt underneath you between your butt cheeks, and lie directly on it with your lower back.
  6. At this point, your penis should be erect and standing straight up, supported by the belt. You should feel reasonable pressure as the belt criss-crosses your balls.
  7. Begin stroking your penis at the top, while gently pulling it toward your chest. Use your lower back as a counter-weight. This will cause a gentle pumping sensation on your balls.
  8. As you get closer to ejaculation, pump the head of your penis closer and closer to create more of a pumping sensation. As your balls tighten, you may want to adjust the belt to a comfortable pressure.

Anal Tunnel Sex Toy
I recently purchased a sex toy and have been enjoying it so much — a jelly-sleeve masturbator called the "anal tunnel." This is a soft jelly-rubber tube with one end shaped like an anus with a small, tight opening where you insert your penis. The tube is about 5 inches long, and the inside of the tube is covered in small soft senso-nubs (these are small rubber bumps that squeeze, grip, and slide over your erection once inside the tube). Of course, this toy requires a lot of lube. The jelly-sleeve is also a translucent blue color so you can see your penis sliding around inside it. I find this toy so incredibly arousing and have never felt anything like it before. I use the "Stop & Go" technique and have had hours of pleasure from this little wonder, and it only gets better.

Advice To Boys & Young Men
As an adult male, I'd like to say a few things to those boys and/or young men who struggle and question. As males, masturbation is completely natural and normal. Yes, often "religion" teaches against it; our parents also ignore it. Guys, the fact is that every parent of every boy of a certain age has wondered what was taking him so long in the bathroom. They both know, especially Dad. They probably don't say anything because their son growing up, in the throes of sexual development, and that makes parents uncomfortable. How soon we older people forget. Boys often find themselves attracted to other boys during this time of puberty. Does this feeling make someone immediately homosexual? Absolutely not; and neither is it uncommon among teenage boys. As we grow and our hormones take over on our journey to adult manhood, we can often be infatuated with other boys, teachers, or coaches. During these years, some boys will experiment sexually with other boys. Does that make them gay? No. These years are hormonally charged and trying times — not just sexually, but with regard to asserting one's independence, challenging authority, and trying to be a man. As we go through this, we are "slapped down," because we really aren't men or adults. That is why parents and teachers are there. You guys who question your own sexuality, you need to keep these facts in mind. After you get older, remember this as well: Homosexuality has less to do with sex than it does inherent attraction and love. Remember to maintain your safest maximum speed!

Catholic Masturbation Guilt
I am a Catholic priest with over 40 years' experience of a religious vow of celibacy. 30 years ago one of my priest formators was preaching that "masturbation is just as natural as blowing your nose." But I could never quite get my mind around that, having swallowed the official teaching that masturbation was a mortal sin. But just recently a non-catholic friend said to me: "Masturbation is a necessary expression of your masculine sexuality," and something clicked. I thought about it for a bit and could see how masturbating helped me to really live in my body and to own my sexuality. This ability to own oneself as a sexual being is necessary to everyone, independent of whether they are going to dedicate their sexuality to another or dedicate it in another way by celibacy. This new position involves a big swing in my mental attitude, and I am not sure that I have properly integrated it yet. I would be interested in knowing how others of a religious orientation react to this, and to have their prayers that I may properly find peace and sexual positivity.

The Mark IV Masturbation Device
I've spent a lot of time developing this device, which I call the MK IV. It's very cheap and easy to make (It takes only about 5 minutes to build), and I would rate it against expensive commercial-grade simulators.

  • 1 small bottle, such as a Gatorade/PowerAde bottle
  • 1 bag of helium-quality balloons
  • 1 bag of "punching balloons" (optional)
  • 2 rubber bands (preferably #64, which can be purchased at places such as Staples or Office Depot)
  • 1 #2 pencil, or similar rod-type object
  • something to cut the bottle with (for example, an Xacto or Olfa knife)
  • something to burn the sharp edges of the plastic with (for example, a soldering iron)
  1. Cut a 2" hole in the bottom of the Gatorade bottle, then cut a 1/2" hole in the cap. Burn the edges until they are no longer sharp. This will prevent breakages during use.
  2. Cut 1 to 3 small holes in the bottle near the cap.
  3. Cut the last half inch of the bulb off 2 of the helium balloons, and then cut the neck off right where it stops tapering.
  4. Cut the last half inch off the bulb of one helium balloon, leaving the neck in tact, or cut half the bulb off one of the punching balloons.
  5. Stretch the 2 double-cut helium balloons over the base of the bottle, aligning the holes in the middle.
  6. Run the neck of the helium/punching balloon through the cap, then screw the cap onto the bottle.after that, stretch the neck over the cap.
  7. If you used a helium balloon, insert the pencil into the cap and use the edge of the eraser to "hook" the balloon, and stretch it through the base of the bottle (this can be difficult, so I stick with the punching balloon). If you used the punching balloon, just grab it with your fingers through the base.
  8. After you've run the main balloon through the base, and insuring that there are no twists, carefully stretch it over the base, leaving at least an inch covering the bottle.
  9. Use the rubber bands to secure the two ends in place.

I've tried various different lubricants with this system: Vaseline, lotion, baby oil, and K-Y. The only thing that won't break the helium balloon is the K-Y, which when mixed with a little water works a lot better. The punching balloon is a little more durable and can withstand most lubricants.

Some things explained:
  • The holes cut near the cap allow the latex to expand. Without them, you won't get in very far.
  • The 2 extra helium balloons make the opening a bit tighter.
  • Anything beyond 2 will hurt, and anything less than 2 will feel like a glass of water.
  • The "frame" can be reused over and over, as the only thing that will ever touch it is the balloons. It's probably good for at least 50 uses.
  • The #64 rubber bands can be wrapped 3 times for a snug fit, but any type will work.
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