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Lube Recipes

BABY OIL GEL

In the drug store, look for Baby Oil Gel. It's smoother than Vaseline but washes up easily, with just a little soap. It's also slicker than baby oil (and not as thin), water resistant (great in the shower), and leaves your hands and penis smooth and soft. And it's inexpensive. You might also try adding a little conventional baby oil to it: Put some gel on your hand, and then add a few drops of baby oil on your palm, and spread it around. The cleanup seems a little easier compared to just the gel.

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ULTIMATE MASTURBATION FLUID

Mix together the following ingredients:
1 teaspoon baby oil
2 tablespoons Vaseline Intensive Care hand lotion
2 tablespoons facial cream (cold cream, etc.)
3 tablespoons aloe vera (the green stuff) 1 tablespoon Campho-Phenique canker-sore-numbing ointment (optional)
Get in the shower, and smear some of the fluid all over your penis and scrotum or anywhere else you want. Then get some more and put it all over your hands. Use the grip that makes you most comfortable, and enjoy. This is not something to try without being in the shower, as it can get messy.

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SLICK-ACTION LUBE

Ingredients:
3 soup spoons of mayonnaise
1 teaspoon clove-oil extract
1 cup olive oil
1/2 large tube K-Y Jelly
Mix ingredients well in a bowl. With your hand, pick up a large glop and place your penis into it. Begin to stroke. It's messy but cool, soothing, and the clove oil gives your erection new rigor.

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FAKE SEMEN LUBE

Combine the wetness of hand lotion with the stickiness of K-Y Jelly by blending the two substances. Experiment with the ratio; you can end up with a mixture that has the appearance and consistency of semen. Recommended if you want to try masturbating with semen as a lube but lack the energy to masturbate twice.

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ALBOLENE FOREVER

An excellent lube is Albolene, which can be found at the drug store in some parts of the U.S. The jar, which has a blue and green label, says it's a "liquefying cleanser," but there's no soap in it. It's made for removing make-up, but it's terrific for masturbating. Apply a small amount, and you're good for an hour with no drying out — and it wipes off with a towel easily, leaving no stains. One important thing to remember about Albolene, however, is that it not to be used with condoms, since it's not water-based. Also note: Albolene seems to be sold only in certain parts of the U.S.; it may not be available on the West Coast or other parts of the world.

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COCOA BUTTER IS BETTER

For a lube you don't need to mix, try Palmer's Cocoa Butter Formula with Vitamin E. It costs only about 3 bucks for the solid in a plastic jar the size of a Vaseline container, and it lasts forever. You can masturbate practically all day with one application, and it doesn't dry up like K-Y or get hot on the flesh like Vaseline. Don't use the preparation that comes in a tube, though; it just isn't the same formulation.

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JELL-O LUBE

A recipe for a homemade Jell-O-based lubricant:
1 cup of water
1 cup of baby oil
1 packet of Jell-O (any flavor)
Throw all of these ingredients into a blender and mix until smooth. Then pour, and away you go! (Note: This lube is incompatible with condoms; the oil will dissolve the latex.)

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